welcome to the BBC money Clinic the place where our relationship with our finances under each other comes under the spotlight the clinic to Miami in the United States a playground to millionaires many people rising prices and falling wages make it very hard to keep up today we’re inviting people to come here and get honest with one another about that finances in the United States is estimated that around 27 million people don’t have medical insurance means that when the health stuff is so did I Manuel and Jackie live in South Florida with that for children he’s a construction supervisor and she’s a teacher and they’re both playing Financial Concho you want more money to but we have our ups and downs but we’re still working on it more of a saving kind of person I know what I can use out based on the budget but then I kind of say all well there’s a little wiggle wiggle room over here couple argues about money you know why you spend on this you shouldn’t have you know it’s I think that’s normal but I don’t want to do it florida-based Financial therapist she’s a certified financial planner and a family and marriage counselor how do you understand your financial habits can you come to me well we pretty much I’ve had a lot of financial crisis with identity theft credit card that also medical bills my husband are kind of sick before and that’s that’s when we really got into a fight crisis was when he got sick and we both ended up out of work and many different times we’ve had a job issues in the sense of getting laid off or starting over or having his own business and things like that any working now working for past 4 years now. Thank God for the past 3 years stable full-time at the okay see you have 6 people in the family takes me a lot to manage we we saw a lot of arguments before the finances that was pretty much the only type of arguments we would have would be finances I’ll come in with bags of groceries and I’ll ask me will don’t worry I use my account it sounds like you’re triggered by that interrogation that you’re getting is that I know if it was 7505 or 79 and then it’s probably not the right time to talk about it so I know it’s something you want to talk about I’ll be happy to do so but let me put the bags down and get the kids some dinner and let’s open the account and take a look in the moment I know that’s hard to do but I’m not going to tell him okay so I’m wondering about that value in tracking and he can go ahead and go look in track okay but I’m not going to sit there and give him an explanation of what I just purchased so is it your position that you’re operating within the budget with these purchases that’s why I answered have no yes or no yes because I use my account but at the same token no I don’t know if it’s a budget cuz it’s not something that we plan on the groceries then his question was why did you have to go back to the to the grocery store again so this for your mind might be an extra the house we are going to make sure you go to the house and there’s food and my background is completely different from I am Cuban I come from a country I never had anything so to me and me going up I didn’t have everything either maybe the thing to do is to review the budget of the living document it’s not something that’s cutting Stone things happen and you need to have potentially weekly or monthly or quarterly made to revise the budget we sit down every January I’m wondering if you agree that the budget is what it needs to be because of the exercise you went to in January and it was in your best interest to stay Within These parameters okay yeah we leaving everything so if that’s the agreement then in any particular month if so reason you exceeded the budget in let’s say the food area then you have to consider that you no longer have the opportunity to do that in the following month and something has to give maybe you don’t go to the movies or maybe the kids don’t have snacks and you make cookies at that. I’m okay with that but then drag is not willing to and I get it to make the kids suffer for about the session emotional attachment has the developmentally appropriate bases but children should be learning about these decisions these choices yeah they don’t have any right if they don’t get their stuff that’s one thing that we taught them so maybe they’ll understand a conversation where we did all these fun things last month this is the month we have to step back and not do those things I think you can Model A for them and you’ll you know reap the benefits when they’re older but ask Jean was about to find out Jackie and Manuel’s arguments about the budget a rooted in that own childhood experiences more dynamics of what the dad said went and my Dynamics it was more like what my dad said went and Mom would give a little rebuttal but then she would give in and I hated and I always argue with my mom like why do I have to make that what are the why do you have to go get him a glass of water he’s right next to the kitchen I want to do that I can see how this is a trigger for you but when you think about it do you really feel like you’re not being heard well are you getting sometimes I do and he knows it cuz I don’t like every time we get to an argument about this like every time he has to be something with me it’s my fault and so he says well kind of like if the shoe fits wear it so so you don’t that but that’s why I feel control yourself without putting a partner down skill that might benefit you and it takes a lot of practice it sounds like you have some practice from the original family but you said no why do I need to do that it sounds family is important to validate that this is what she is experiencing so I don’t understand why did you so I would tell him okay well then you spend a week with the kids and see how much you spend and I’ll go work on that he’s a great I like a joke like yeah well you go work like I work and I’ll take care I’m sure I won’t spend as much because they’re very productive is it back you know when you’re emotionally triggered is not the time to have a conversation to put the process of calming yourself and then coming back it’s really a great scale you even the happiest and most successful couples argue argue and had to come back and talk about those issues is a great skill yeah that’s one thing we have to learn which will take your advice on is kind of Revisited two weeks later he doesn’t I’m the explainer he’s sort of like straight to the point so if he’s already said it one time it’s kind of like that’s it I already told you before it that’s it I’m me it’s like no let me explain why this happened or why I spent this but you knew we talked about this basically revisit instead of arguing take a breather do what we have to do ghetto go on with life and then come back and revisit the topic take a break and then talk about money another tip she also gave us was to revisit our budget if we spend more on a certain area so we can account for it on the next month as well thank you very much for coming in and best of luck for the future that’s it from the BBC money Clinic here in MiamiIf you’re in a relationship, there’s a chance that you run your finances differently from your partner. Manuel and Jackie have very different attitudes about money and often end up in arguments about the family budget. That’s where financial therapist Jean Theurer comes in. What does she suggest?
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